What should I wear if I don't have expensive latex or leather yet?
Nice underwear or lingerie, a few straps and harnesses on bare skin, chain tops, black fabrics with a cool cut or mesh shirts. The main thing is no ordinary streetwear.
Kink FAQ · Cologne & NRW
40 honest questions about sex-positive parties
Entry and dress code, consent, BDSM terms, safer sex and tricky situations: The RNB KINK / bedrooms team from Cologne answers the questions people really ask before their first kinky party. Short, direct and straightforward.
Entry & door policy
Why are so many single guys turned away at the door?
To stop the club from becoming a men-only space. Organisers want a balanced mix of women, men and queer people. That's why guys arriving alone are scrutinised three times as closely at the door.
Why are they so strict about outfit checks at the door?
It's a filter to keep gawkers out. People who make an effort and come in a kink outfit show that they're into the scene. That keeps out the people who just want to turn up in an everyday shirt and stare at freaks.
Can they turn you away at the door just because the bouncers don't like your vibe?
Yes, absolutely. The club has the right to refuse entry. If your outfit looks like you haven't made an effort or your vibe is off, they'll say, 'Not tonight.' There's no arguing about it at the door.
What does Strict Selection at the door mean?
Even if you have a ticket, the bouncers will look closely: Are you too drunk? Do you seem disrespectful or unsure? If your vibe doesn't fit, you stay outside. Full stop.
Why are they so strict about keeping an eye on people drinking alcohol?
Drunk people can lose track of boundaries. Anyone who's stumbling or slurring their words is no longer allowed to play and may be asked to leave immediately.
Is it okay to be completely naked at the party?
Yes, that's completely normal at most sex-positive parties. Nudity doesn't get much attention there, it's all very relaxed.
Consent & communication
What does Continuous Consent actually mean?
A yes at the beginning doesn't apply to the whole evening. Just because someone said yes to being caressed doesn't mean taking clothes off or having sex is automatically OK. Check in briefly before every new step.
Can I just join a couple and take part?
Never just touch anyone. First, watch from a distance, make eye contact and then ask nicely: Hey, may I watch? Or: Do you have room for one more person? Accept a no without complaint.
What does it mean when someone is wearing an Off-Limits wristband?
Some parties hand out coloured wristbands, for example red ones. It means: I'm here with the person I came with and I don't want strangers approaching me tonight. Hands off.
How should I react if someone turns me down on the dance floor?
Just smile, say, 'No worries, thanks!' and move on. A clear no is much better than false politeness.
Does playing at the party automatically mean sex too?
No, absolutely not. Many people hit, tie each other up or simply enjoy the dynamic without genitals being involved. Playtime isn't the same as sex, and you need to agree on each separately beforehand.
How should I behave if I just want to watch at the play furniture?
Keep a good distance, don't get in anyone's way, don't stare open-mouthed and don't make stupid comments. Just stay calm and enjoy the vibes.
What's the difference between hard limits and soft limits?
Hard limits are your red lines, things that are absolutely off-limits, like needles. Soft limits are things you might be willing to try if the chemistry is right and you're in the mood.
Practices & terms
What's the difference between playing and sex?
Playing is BDSM: tying up, hitting, wax and roleplay. Sex is actual fucking or touching genitals. Sometimes they overlap, but often they're completely separate.
What does Edging or Orgasm Control mean?
Bringing someone close to orgasm for hours and then backing off again. The aim is to keep the arousal going all evening.
What's the difference between a sex-positive party and a proper fetish party?
At sex-positive parties, there's lots of dancing, flirting and, yes, sex. Proper fetish parties are more about materials like latex and leather, BDSM, ropes and toys. Sex is often secondary or takes place somewhere else entirely.
What does Floor Play mean?
When people don't sit on the benches but tie each other up or hit each other directly on the dance floor or lounge floor.
What is the leather seat or sling hanging from the ceiling for?
That's a sling. You lie in it to make sex or play more comfortable and avoid getting cramps in your legs.
What is Sensation Play?
Anything that makes the skin tingle or stimulates it without causing deep wounds, for example ice cubes, pinwheels, feathers or mild electrical stimulation.
How does wax play work?
Hot wax from special fetish candles is dripped onto the skin. Regular candle wax is too hot and causes burn blisters, so special wax is used.
Why is choking completely banned at almost all parties?
Because it's life-threatening. One small mistake can cause someone to pass out or suffer brain damage. That's why clubs strictly prohibit it.
Can I bring my own whips or ropes?
Yes, of course. Sometimes the door staff will take a quick look in your bag to make sure you're not carrying any real weapons or sharp knives.
What does solo play mean?
It means masturbating or tying yourself up at the party without a partner.
Safer sex & hygiene
What happens if someone secretly takes off a condom?
That's not an accident. It's sexual assault and a criminal offence called stealthing. Anyone who does it will be thrown out by security immediately, banned for life and reported to other organisers.
What if fluids accidentally spill in the play area?
It happens, we're all human. The important thing is not to run away embarrassed. Stop playing, put a towel down, wipe everything clean, disinfect it and briefly let the crew know.
How do I ask about sexual health or condoms without making things awkward?
Just ask directly: Do you use condoms? When was your last test? At parties like these, nobody will hold it against you. People appreciate you taking responsibility.
What should I keep in mind when using the furniture or play beds?
Clean up! Always put a towel or disposable pad down before things get wet. Afterwards, wipe the play bed clean with the disinfectant provided.
What should you do if a condom breaks during play?
Stop immediately, tell the other person and clean up. Good parties have emergency information and contacts for the morning-after pill or emergency medication (PEP) readily available at the first aid station.
What is a fluid agreement?
It's a quick conversation beforehand about which bodily fluids are okay, like spit, semen and so on, and what's completely off-limits.
Awareness & tricky situations
Who are the people wearing fairy lights and ribbons?
That's the Awareness team. If someone is bothering you, you feel uncomfortable or you need help, go to them. They'll help you straight away.
How does aftercare work when the music is loud and the club is crowded?
Take the person to the chill-out area, wrap them in a blanket or jacket, get them a glass of water and just hold them tight. That helps their body calm down again.
What about liquid ecstasy (GHB) at parties like these?
It's extremely dangerous at parties like these because even a tiny bit too much can put you straight into a coma. Anyone caught with it will be thrown out and never allowed back into the club.
What should I do if my partner suddenly freezes and stops talking?
Some people shut down emotionally under too much stress and can't get a word out. This is called a freeze response. Stop immediately, don't put any more pressure on them, speak to them gently, wrap them in a blanket and get the Awareness team.
What happens if someone secretly takes a photo on their phone?
Immediate removal, a lifetime ban and the photos are deleted on the spot. At some parties, you may even end up on a list shared with other clubs.
Are there people at parties like these who use kink as an excuse to cross boundaries?
Yes, unfortunately. Some people use scene terminology as an excuse to violate boundaries. But people in the scene talk to each other: anyone known for crossing boundaries is quickly blacklisted.
What should I do if someone suddenly starts crying during play?
Don't panic. Crying during kink can simply be a release of tension or relief. Pause briefly, maintain eye contact and calmly ask: Do you need a break, or does this feel good for you right now?
What do you do if someone has completely drifted away in subspace?
In that state, don't spontaneously introduce anything new. If the person is completely out of it, only do what you clearly agreed on beforehand while you were both in a sober state of mind.
What if people disagree afterwards about whether a scene was okay?
That's very unpleasant for everyone. To avoid this, it's best to play in open areas where others can watch and be absolutely clear beforehand about what's going to happen.
How do you stop alcohol from blurring boundaries as the night goes on?
The crew keeps a close eye on things. Anyone who can't stand straight or is visibly drunk will immediately be told by the awareness team that they can't play for the rest of the night.
RNB KINK event & tickets
Who is welcome at the RNB KINK kinky party in Cologne?
Come as you are, but respect the space. Everyone is welcome, regardless of gender, sexual orientation or background. We create a protected safer space for FLINTA*, queer people, allies and open-minded people. The most important ground rule: Consent is Key.
What is the dress code at RNB KINK / bedrooms?
Latex, leather, vinyl, fetish wear, lingerie, harnesses and imaginative creations are all enthusiastically encouraged. Your outfit is an expression of your personality. Regular clubwear or streetwear is strictly prohibited.
Is the event series suitable for beginners and people new to the scene?
Yes, absolutely. You don't need any previous experience with BDSM or fetish. Everything is completely voluntary, and our team will help you settle in.
Is RNB KINK / bedrooms also a BDSM party or fetish party in NRW?
Yes. Our events combine the aesthetics of a BDSM and fetish party in NRW with an open, sex-positive atmosphere. Respect and consent come first.
Why play R&B, HipHop and Afrobeats instead of kinky techno?
That's what sets us apart in Cologne and across NRW: while most sex-positive events focus on techno, we deliberately play urban beats, including R&B, HipHop, Afrobeats, Amapiano, Latin, Reggaeton and Oldschool.
How does RNB KINK differ from Berlin clubs like KitKatClub?
We bring the hedonistic spirit of well-known scene institutions to Cologne and NRW, but with our own musical concept: instead of techno, we combine the kinky lifestyle with R&B, HipHop and Black Music.
Where do the events take place (Cologne, Düsseldorf, Ruhr area, NRW)?
Our main location is Cologne. Our community comes from all over NRW, including Düsseldorf, Dortmund, Essen and the entire Ruhr area.
Are there play areas and what rules apply there?
Yes, there are designated play areas for intimate and kinky interactions. No one is entitled to play. The rule is strict: only a clear, verbal yes means yes.
What safety and awareness measures are in place at the event?
A trained awareness team and security are on site throughout the event to protect the safer space. Talk to the team at any time if you have questions or need help.
Are phones and photos banned at the party?
Yes. To protect every guest's anonymity, phones and photography are strictly prohibited throughout the venue. Cameras are covered at the entrance or phones are handed in.
Can I come on my own as a solo guest?
Yes. Many guests come alone and quickly meet people at the bar or in the lounge areas. Our community is open and inclusive.
Is there a minimum age for entry?
Yes, entry is strictly for those aged 18 and over. Everyone must show ID, so please have a valid government-issued photo ID ready.
How does entry work at RNB KINK?
There are three steps: 1. Ticket and ID check, 2. Mindset check (a conversation about the rules of conduct and consent), 3. Outfit check. Entry is only granted if your mindset and outfit meet the requirements.
Where can I get tickets and are tickets available at the door?
Tickets are only available in advance online through sexymemberclub.de. There are generally no tickets at the door. Events usually sell out quickly, so secure your ticket early.
What are the rules for alcohol and drugs?
All drug use is strictly prohibited and will result in an immediate ban from the venue. Alcohol is served at the bar, but we expect you to drink responsibly.
How do you respectfully approach other guests?
Every social or intimate interaction requires explicit consent. No one is pressured. Touching, conversations or play only happen when everyone involved clearly agrees.
What if I feel unsure or nervous before my first visit?
It's completely normal to feel nervous before your first time. Our awareness team and experienced guests will help you settle in. Just talk to us or message us beforehand using the contact form.
What's the best way to prepare for the party?
Checklist: Pack a kinky or fetish outfit, have your online ticket and ID ready, charge your phone, know your own boundaries, familiarise yourself with the rules of conduct, and bring an open mind and respect.
Are the event venues in Cologne accessible?
We party at different venues in Cologne and NRW, so accessibility varies depending on the building. If a venue is accessible, we specifically mention this in the relevant event description.
Still have a question?
More about Kinky Party Köln and our Kinky Party Dresscode.
Message us directly, we'll reply discreetly. Or apply for the next bedrooms night in Cologne.